It was exactly 2 years ago. I had a big goal to pursue at work, was not hitting the milestones that I wanted to and I was stressed beyond measure. It was honestly the first time in my career that I felt so behind for so long and couldn’t find the solutions and support I needed to push through.

I was driving down the highway in the right lane, trying to be calm and honor the speed limit, even though I never wanted to get anywhere faster in my life. My anxiety level was so high I thought I was having a panic attack. Then I started panicking that I was driving while panicking. When I got to advanced care, my blood pressure was so high that the nurse told me they would have to admit me to the hospital if it did not come down quickly. Fortunately, it did. 

That led me to eventually taking a one month leave of absence from work. Despite the fact that my boss and organization handled it superbly and supported me 100%, taking that time off was one of the most terrifying professional and personal decisions I have ever made. I was really worried about what people would think and how things would be when I returned. 

So, how did I get there? I had completely lost perspective and had no work/life balance. 

First, I was so absorbed in my work goals that I was measuring my entire self-worth against my progress and performance. Secondly, I wasn’t advocating successfully for the resources I needed. 

Equally damaging, I wasn’t doing all of the things I needed to consistently do to keep myself healthy and grounded. Finally, I was a remote worker who struggled to build community with my colleagues outside of scheduled meetings. As an extrovert I needed that social interaction and having to schedule “water cooler talk” over Zoom required more intentionality.

Unfortunately, my story is all too common and I never really had an honest conversation about it until I went through it myself. People I knew who disappeared from work for a while were whispered about, but I never knew what was going on until I started sharing my story. 

Now, I am a coach to ambitious, high-performing leaders and their struggles with work/life balance and burnout come up in almost every conversation. 

While there is no silver bullet, there are several things that I did that are also working for my clients and other people I’ve heard from on the topic. If you’re feeling burnt out or struggling with work/life balance, here are some things you can try:

Shift your perspective

Neither your job itself, nor your job performance define your worth as a human being. You are valuable because you exist. Sit back and look at your life holistically--your strengths, contributions, impact on those around you. Remember that on some days just being kind, compassionate and the best person you can be is your most valuable contribution.

Set clear priorities and boundaries

Take the time to reflect on, write down and say out loud the things and the people that are most important to you. Then put those things in your schedule. Saying “yes” to your priorities means saying “no” to what’s not as important. It may be hard at first, but it gets easier with practice. Once you’ve set boundaries and made choices, find peace with them and avoid constantly second guessing yourself. 

Schedule self-care

I try not to speak in absolutes, but I can say with confidence that if you don’t prioritize your health, wellness, rest and rejuvenation, nothing else will work. This might look like naps, yoga or meditation, exercise, reading a good book, spending time in nature or on your favorite hobbies. Think of yourself as your most important date. Make commitments to yourself and keep them. 

Build and utilize your support network

When you’re going through difficult times, it is easy to feel isolated. It could be that you don’t have the energy to connect, feel embarrassed or don’t think anyone can relate. Reach out and talk to your friends and family and let them support you. Be intentional about nurturing professional relationships as well. Research shows that people who are most satisfied at work have friends at work or in their same field. The colleagues you trust are in a good position to support you and help you navigate work challenges.

Get professional help

If you are experiencing extreme anxiety and stress, seek professional help. A therapist can support you and provide you the tools you need to heal. If you don’t already have a therapist, seeking one out when you most need one can feel daunting. Again, reach out to your network and as a bonus you’ll learn how many people you know have therapists. That will also help you feel less alone. A coach can be helpful if you’re functioning well enough to plan and commit to taking action in pursuit of your goals.

Take a break

Sometimes you need a hard reset. If you feel that need, begin strategizing and talk to your employer about it or find a way to schedule the time if you’re self-employed. Because I have been there, I know that it never feels like a good time to take a break from work and for some people the financial hardship is not bearable. But some Americans don’t even use all their vacation days. When you do take time off, you realize the world keeps turning. It’s easier to plan a break than to crash and burn and be forced to take time off because you literally can’t function anymore. 

There are no silver bullets for any of this. It takes awareness and practice to live differently and find balance. 

There are times that a new job is in order, but don’t fool yourself into thinking that will solve all your problems. If you struggle with work/life balance and tend to go too hard, you are likely to bring that same way of being to a new job. 

I am in my dream job and it’s one that I created. Yet, even as I write this, I am feeling a little fried and my vacation next week can’t get here fast enough. The good thing is I am learning to catch myself early--the overthinking, planning and worrying. Then I kick all the strategies above into gear. 

If you need help structuring your life for more balance, let’s talk about how coaching with me might support you.